An open letter to my daughters

Dear Pre­cious Daughters,

To the ones that grew my belly big­ger and that I couldn’t wait to hold in my arms.

To the ones I see each week, with our hearts con­nect­ing as we look for ways to serve.

To the ones I hold dear to my heart as I watched you spread your wings and fly.


You came home ask­ing me about it.

I know some of your friends have seen it and  some of your friends moms.

They have made it a girls night out.

Gig­gling and act­ing as if this is no big deal.

You’ve seen the commercials.


What is sex and a play room?

You asked. I gulped.



You and  I are open about things and we dis­cuss a lot of hard places.

And this is one of those hard places.


I get this whole Fifty Shades of Grey. I do.

We all want a man to make us his whole life.

Even if it is twisted and messed up and dressed up.

We want to be every­thing to him.

We want to be the ones that he changes for.


But a real woman.

Doesn’t want to be his whole everything.

A real woman knows that only God can change a heart.

A real woman wants her man to make God, his everything.


A real woman also knows that she is com­plete in Christ.

And doesn’t need a man to be whole.

A real woman knows that just because she is not mar­ried or dat­ing it doesn’t mean there is some­thing wrong with her.

A real woman respects her­self and knows she is wor­thy because she is a daugh­ter of Christ.


She is con­fi­dent in the gifts and tal­ents that God has given her.

And she boldly uses them.


And lets talk about sex.

A real man, a man who loves you, knows that great sex. (In mar­riage let’s be clear on that).

Starts out side of the bedroom.

He knows that he will never com­plete you and doesn’t try to.

He knows that only God can do that.

He lays down his life in order to cheer your dreams on.

He wants you to use your gifts your tal­ents for God.

And when things lead to the bedroom.

He only wants to please you, he doesn’t care about his desires.

He wants noth­ing more than for you to enjoy yourself.

And if you have come from a place where sex was forced or abused,

he will walk down that heal­ing path with you.

It would break his heart if he hurt you or degraded you in any way.

He wants only for you to feel safe and cherished.

Sex is amaz­ing and won­der­ful if it treated as a gift.

I’m not say­ing sex has to be boring.

But sex would never make you feel less than, or that you are not wor­thy, loved or cherished.


Real love.

It’s more than sex and mak­ing out.

Real love.

Wipes snotty noses and changes dirty dia­pers, buys tam­pons when you run out.

Real love, fights and is messy and may scream and yell

but it also for­gives and doesn’t hold grudges.

Real love burns din­ner and sets off the fire alarms.

Real love for­get to buy milk and toi­let paper and hits the mail­box with her car.

Real love holds each oth­ers hands under the sheets and prays.

Real love holds you in bed when your scared.

Real love gives back rubs when you know he can’t sleep.

Real love is not the movies.

But it is real life and it is daily lay­ing down your life for each other.








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