Flare up.

I call it a flare up.

I’m sure there is a med­ical name for it but for our lives that is what we call it.

It had been a long time coming.

She has been doing so well. In fact it’s been over a year.

I could see it bub­bling to the sur­face over the sum­mer. Lit­tle glimpses of it.

Show­ing its face here and there.

When it finally sur­faced this week­end I wasn’t sur­prised and then I was.

I’ve learned there is never a good time for a flare up and I have no con­trol over it.

I won­dered when she took the ice if she was going to make it through her free skate program.

( She did and placed fourth!)

 

Ear­lier in the morn­ing I was wor­ried as I watched her practice.

I can’t put it into words what hap­pens when your child has an anx­i­ety attack.

It’s heart­break­ing to watch and no mat­ter what you say or do it doesn’t soothe the anx­i­ety away.

All you can do is be there, with them.

 

At first glance a mom or a par­ent can blame them­selves when it happens.

We can won­der what we did wrong or where we went wrong.

A flare up can feel like a failure. 

It can eat away at us and if we aren’t care­ful we can let guilt set in.

But we shouldn’t.

 

My old­est suf­fers from severe asthma.

When­ever she has a flare up I never once feel guilty as a mom.

I never ques­tion where I might have made mis­takes along the way.

I call the Dr. and we go through what is work­ing and what isn’t.

Why then when  our kids suf­fer from anx­i­ety or depres­sion or any­thing else do we go there.

To the place that we blame and we judge our par­ent­ing skills and feel ashamed?

 

 

I look at anx­i­ety flare ups not as a fail­ure but as a way to slow down and to listen.

To take time to regroup and see what isn’t work­ing and what is.

To ask for help and call the Dr.

And to let her know that she is amaz­ing– anx­i­ety and all.

 

I am not sure if anx­i­ety or asthma is some­thing they will grow out of.

Or it will be the thing they will have to man­age all their lives.

But I do know that we will be here for them through it all.

We will hold their hands and sit with them.

 

I don’t have the answers to any of this but for now this is where we are…

 

 

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