This move has left me wondering what my purpose is.
Let me explain…
I had titles and roles before we moved.
Here and now.
There are no titles. No roles.
And I’m wondering if God is asking me to a different purpose.
I take that back, I know God is calling me to a different purpose.
Honestly, I have struggled.
I didn’t like it one bit at first.
I’ve had to become content in the here and now.
Our house sold so quick I just knew that God was moving me for something grand.
He was going to use me in a big way.
I could feel it.
But he has called me to something that doesn’t really, well, I guess small?
I have no other word for it and it’s late. Just go with it.
I’ve had to search myself and it was painful. Just ask my friends.
It was painful for them too.
They had to listen to me whine and complain as I was processing this.
I had to ask myself…
What if my purpose is something that doesn’t come with a title?
Or a role? Or a platform? Or a following?
What if no one knows my name?
Or asks me to speak?
Let’s be clear no one has ever asked me to speak at a conference.
And it is not a dream of mine. I just threw that in there.
Or write again?
What if my purpose is something no one would even know about?
What if my purpose was only to pray for other people who don’t even know me? Or never even met me? Or don’t know I exist?
Not to lead or teach but just to sit and interceded for others.
Or wash dishes?
And clean dirty floors.
Would I? Be okay if God is calling me to something that no one would praise?
Would I know that I still matter to God?
That I wasn’t some after thought.
That he didn’t overlook me when he was passing out purposes.
Even if I never get THAT ONE purpose, would I know it doesn’t mean I am unworthy.
Or special or not cared about?
Would it be enough for me if HE ONLY KNEW?
That’s a hard one.
I’ll be honest, I’ve struggled.
And depending on the day, I don’t always like my purpose.
Sometimes my purpose has a mouth that says she doesn’t like dinner.
I kind of want to march into heaven and argue about this calling.
It’s not very glamorous.
I get jealous of others purpose and wonder why God didn’t pick me?
Yeah, I know I am not alone. I can see your head shaking and bobbing.
I feel you. I hear you. You feel invisible and that your purpose doesn’t matter.
But your Father in Heaven sees.
He sees how you forgave that snide remark that came with no apology.
He saw you open the door for that mom at the store.
He saw you drop off a check to hurting family.
He heard your prayers for others.
He saw you clean the bathroom.
And load the washer again.
See, the thing about God, is he uses your purpose and sees how your purpose –
has changed the lives of others, before you can.
Did that make any sense?
God sees all before we do.
He sees how that seed you planted in someone
is going to bloom into a flower years from now.
That prayer you whispered, he used it and it comforted others.
See, what I am saying.
Nothing is wasted.
Nothing we ever do for him is wasted.
Big or small.
Title or no title.
God doesn’t waste purposes or hearts that want to serve him.
Even if it is cleaning the bathroom.
He will use it.