Is he the one?

He had it all planned out.

To the last lit­tle detail.

I ordered a cof­fee after din­ner when I turned to see if he wanted anything.

And there he was on bended knee in the tiny restau­rant above apart­ments with a ring in his hand.

 

He was ask­ing me, to be the one.

 

My heart was pound­ing so fast and I was so ner­vous that I didn’t say anything.

 

Gig­gles erupted from the back seats.

And before her sis­ters could ask anything

she turned towards me, eyes filled with won­der  “how did you know?”

How did you know he was the one?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So here is the thing, marriage.

It’s not about find­ing the right one but rather being the right one.

 

We can make our­selves silly crazy with the ques­tion is he the one?

We can search to the ends of the world look­ing for the right one.

And we can make our­selves sick ask­ing did I marry the right one.

 

Let me tell you daugh­ters, there is no right one out there.

There is no guy that will fill up your heart the way that Jesus does.

And you will never fill some man’s heart the way Jesus does.

Let’s just get that out-of-the-way.

 

But when you start to ask your­self if he is the right one, you put unfair, unre­al­is­tic expec­ta­tions on him and it can lead you down an ugly path.

 

And hav­ing this mind-set of hav­ing found the right one can be dan­ger­ous if you fall on hard times instead of lean­ing com­pletely on God to help you through it, you could won­der about God’s love for you and become bit­ter, espe­cially if some­one in the rela­tion­ship blew it big time.

 

Really– you should ask your­self am I going to be the one?

Am I going to be the one every­day for the rest of my life?

 

Because that is what mar­riage is about.

It’s choos­ing every morn­ing to be the one.

It is choos­ing them above any­one or anything.

It’s bend­ing low and serv­ing and car­ing for them.

It’s hold­ing their heart care­fully in your hands.

 

 

Your mema is a beau­ti­ful  exam­ple of choos­ing to be the one.

Her love for papa is deep and pure.

Every­day she gets up and puts his needs before her own.

She never visioned  this is how her life would be.

That one night when a drink dri­ver for­ever changed their lives.

But yet she chooses to be the one for Papa.

Even when it is hard.

That’s love.

 

 

It’s not look­ing at the other per­son and won­der­ing what they can do for you.

But it’s look­ing for what you can do for them.

 

 

It’s not look­ing at the other per­son and ask­ing how they are going to change.

It’s tak­ing a look at your heart and ask­ing God to show you how you need to change.

 

It’s not a poem or but­ter­flies that you get when you see them.

Or his good looks.

Those fade away.

 

 

And the baby won’t stop cry­ing and there is a dol­lar left in your names

and he comes home to tell you he was let go.

It’s say­ing I will love you to the end of the earth and I will do what it takes to

put your needs first.

It’s cel­e­brat­ing the good times and light­ing the dreams on fire for each other.

It’s mourn­ing the losses and extend­ing the olive branch, even if it’s not your fault.

 

Because that is what mar­riage is.

Putting the other per­son first.

And when your heart wants to be his one– then that is when you know he is the one.

 

 

 

 

( Dis­claimer– Friend if you are in an abu­sive mar­riage then please find some­one to help you and get out.)

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